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We received’t say the Massive Ten’s rivalry trophies are odd.
As a result of, hey, if we began declaring all of the odd historical past that Massive Ten soccer has constructed up over time, properly, this may be a completely completely different form of distress index.
However nonetheless … … c’mon.
And naturally, there’s the Outdated Brass Spittoon, reclaimed by Indiana for simply the second time in 12 tries in opposition to Michigan State soccer. The Spittoon, which was purchased for $25 in 1950 — the equal of $270 at this time — has a barely altered resonance in a 12 months once we’re all making an attempt to chop down on extra bodily fluids flying round. Or does it, Indiana large receiver Ty Fryfogle?
[ MSU grades: Spartans were bad in every way vs. Indiana ]
“It’s simply thrilling getting it again, even when we don’t get to spit in it, as a result of, I suppose, COVID or no matter,” Fryfogle advised the Indianapolis Star after the Hoosiers kicked some, ahem, brass of their very own in a 24-0 win.
[ Michigan football’s demise vs. Wisconsin summed up in 10 stunning statistics ]
Then once more, generally it’s not sufficient to easily declare the trophy; fashion factors matter, too.
Simply ask coach Kirk Ferentz, whose Hawkeyes entered Friday’s recreation in opposition to Minnesota with 5 straight years taking dwelling the aforementioned 98-pound brass pig, Floyd of Rosedale.
Iowa had basically already introduced dwelling the bronzed bacon, main 35-0 with 6:30 left within the recreation, when the Gophers’ first-team offense started to slog down the sphere searching for a garbage-time landing. This was an affront to Ferentz, and he signaled as a lot with a problem of an iffy first-down catch that also would have left the Gophers 35 yards out with about 1:10 remaining. (We stated it was a slog.) Even Fox’s guidelines analyst, Mike Pereira, was shocked: “Form of a bush-league problem on Iowa’s half”
Iowa received the problem, transferring the Gophers again but in addition giving them one other 20 seconds or so. On the Hawkeyes’ 14th play of the drive, they made it to the Iowa 4 with 19 seconds left and referred to as timeout on second-and-goal to arrange one remaining push.
[ Jim Harbaugh: Wolverines ‘not in a good place’ right now ]
Once they arrange in formation after the timeout, Ferentz, for some cause, referred to as a timeout. Up 35-7. In freezing climate.
After which he referred to as one other one.
After which a 3rd.
On the following play, the Gophers bought their landing, however the message was despatched: The pig is ours.
And simply in case Minnesota’s P.J. Fleck didn’t catch it, Ferentz doubled down within the postgame interview: “They referred to as a timeout to have a look at what we have been doing to rethink,” Ferentz stated. “So, we simply wished to verify we had a great have a look at what they have been doing. No sense taking (the timeouts) on the bus, proper? You guys have jogged my memory of {that a} couple occasions over the past 22 years.
“Figured we’d take Floyd with us and depart the timeouts right here.”
After all, there was no trophy at stake in Saturday’s greatest misery-inducing showdown, a Badger beatdown of the Wolverines. It’s too unhealthy, actually; so long as everybody needed to stand round within the chilly Ann Arbor rain, there ought to have been some form of tangible reward to carry on the finish of the sport — we’d recommend “The Outdated Crushed Buckeye,” in honor of the Massive Ten foe which has tormented each Michigan and Wisconsin a lot over the previous decade.
However till that’s a actuality — and mark us down for $25 to make it occur — let’s run by means of the distress index, from least depressing to most:
MISERY INDEX FLASHBACKS
WEEK 1: Changing Rutgers because the butt of our jokes
WEEK 2: A brand new sort of contagion hits Michigan soccer
WEEK 3: A very long time coming for Michigan, Penn State
14. Indiana: W, 24-0, over MSU
Report: 4-0. Final week: 13.
Ty Fryfogle can rack up as many receiving yards as he desires — and we imply that actually when he’s dealing with the Spartans, whom he torched for 200 yards on 11 catches — however, on the finish of the day, he nonetheless kinda feels like a McDonaldsland villain.
[ Jeff Seidel: The most disappointing part of Michigan State’s loss to Indiana ]
Report: 4-0. Final week: 11.
We get what Purdue was going for with its throwback uniforms, honoring its shared 2000 Massive Ten title and the upset of the Wildcats that made it attainable. However the Boilermakers forgot to account for coach Pat Fitzgerald, Northwestern’s residing throwback; his final season as a participant was additionally the final time the Wildcats opened Massive Ten play with 4 straight wins, till this season.
12. Wisconsin: W, 49-11, over U-M
Report: 2-0. Final week: 6.
Positive sufficient, basketball season rolls round and the Badgers can’t break 50.
[ Michigan grades: F, F, F of a performance in embarrassing loss to Wisconsin ]
Report: 2-2. Final week: 10.
Once more: “Figured we would take Floyd with us and depart the timeouts right here.” Hope you by no means run into Kirk Ferentz in a darkish Iowa Metropolis alley after taking too lengthy to attain a meaningless landing.
10. Ohio State: DNP
Report: 3-0. Final week: 12.
Cagey transfer by the Buckeyes to line their bye/COVID week up with Alabama’s.
Report: 1-3. Final week: 3.
We’d like to acknowledge the Illini for breaking out of their mould and getting a win with their fourth beginning quarterback in as many video games. And yeah, redshirt freshman QB Isaiah Williams was spectacular in speeding for 192 yards. However speeding for 338 yards as a workforce — redshirt sophomore Chase Brown added 138 yards — and solely scoring 23 factors may be very on-brand for the 2020 Illini.
8. Maryland: DNP
Report: 2-1. Final week: 14.
The Terps have misplaced all six video games they’ve performed in opposition to Ohio State since becoming a member of the Massive Ten in 2014 by a mixed rating of 350-134, a mean rating of 58-22 and have by no means allowed fewer than 49 factors. Which is to say: This was in all probability a great week, if that exists within the COVID period, for Maryland to have a program-halting outbreak.
7. Nebraska: W, 30-23, over Penn State
Report: 1-2. Final week: 5.
That “technically unbeaten in opposition to Wisconsin and Penn State” line on the “Huskers” resume certain would have seemed higher again in August.
Report: 2-1. Final week: 8.
The final time a workforce in Indiana bought burned this unhealthy by a man named Peyton — seven profession passing TDs, together with three Saturday, and three speeding TDs for the Wildcats’ Ramsay — a complete bunch of Colts followers had to purchase new jerseys.
Report: 1-3. Final week: 4.
Witness how the Scarlet Knights’ 5 drives ended after taking a 20-10 lead with just below eight minutes remaining: Interception, punt, interception, interception (with the sport tied and 77 seconds remaining, no much less), finish of recreation, with 13 Illinois factors scattered in there. Greg Schiano might certainly rebuild the Scarlet Knights finally, however there’s quite a lot of “Rutgers gonna Rutgers” to burn out of the inspiration first.
[ MSU’s offensive struggles started with spring disruptions ]
Report: 1-3. Final week: 7.
The Spartans went with throwback helmets on Saturday, paying tribute to teach George Perles. The Spartans’ offense went with a throwback efficiency, too — to Perles’ two shutout losses to Indiana (1991, ’93). Talking of previous Massive Ten coaches, there’s that previous Woody Hayes aphorism about how three issues can occur on a go and two of them are unhealthy — Rocky Lombardi’s nonetheless ready for the third factor.
Report: 1-3. Final week: 9.
Science says gophers are largely lively throughout the day. P.J. Fleck’s boys are backing that up with some utilized analysis, we guess: 0-3 after darkish this season, with one other Friday-night recreation (vs. Purdue) arising this week. Might be worse, we guess — at the least the Massive Ten is not scheduling video games at 9 a.m. native time, not like one other Energy 5 convention we all know.
2. Penn State: L, 30-23, to Nebraska
Report: 0-4. Final week: 1.
Lotta speak in Pennsylvania a few recount this month, however we’re fairly certain the Massive Ten presidents aren’t gonna cancel the season once more, regardless of what number of occasions the Nittany Lions ask.
1. Michigan: L, 49-11, to Wisconsin
Report: 1-3. Final week: 2.
You’ll be able to level to quite a lot of numbers which can be fairly damning of Jim Harbaugh’s squad: Joe Milton’s two passes accomplished to Wisconsin gamers earlier than any to his personal. Twenty minutes, 40 seconds earlier than the Wolverines picked up a primary down. Outgained 189-6 — SIX — within the first half. However we’ll go together with this one: Not even RichRod began a season 1-3.
Contact Ryan Ford at rford@freepress.com. Observe him on Twitter @theford.
This text initially appeared on Detroit Free Press: Massive Ten soccer distress index: A trophy case of ache for MSU, Michigan
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